Own Your "Why," Not Theirs
Bonus: "Personal B.S. Detector"
Stop Renting Your Personality from Strangers
Let’s be real: most of us are walking around living lives that were ghostwritten by a committee of people we don’t even like. We fall into this massive, soul-sucking trap where our “Why” is actually just a “Why does Susan from high school have a Tesla and I’m still driving a car that sounds like a blender full of marbles?”
When your motivation comes from the outside, you aren’t the pilot of your own life; you’re a passenger on a bus driven by Insecurity and Comparison, and they are definitely not stopping for bathroom breaks.
The “Faster, Better, Shinier” Delusion
We obsess over being “successful enough” or hitting milestones “quickly enough.” But “enough” is a moving target that your brain keeps relocating every time you get close. If you base your ambitions on what other people think, you’re basically trying to win a race where the finish line is being moved by a guy named “Society” who thinks you look better in a beige suit you hate.
Here are two classic ways we absolutely wreck ourselves by chasing someone else’s dragon:
1. The “LinkedIn-Induced Midlife Crisis.”
Imagine Greg. Greg is a world-class woodworker who loves the smell of sawdust and silence. But Greg spends 10 minutes on LinkedIn and sees that his old college roommate, Dave, has just been promoted to “Senior Vice President of Synergistic Cloud Solutions.”
Suddenly, Greg feels like a failure. He trades his chisels for a spreadsheet, spends three years chasing a promotion in a corporate cubicle that smells like despair and old tuna, all so he can update his status.
The Lesson: Greg isn’t chasing a goal; he’s chasing a font change on a website. He traded a life he loved for a title that sounds like a brand of laundry detergent, all to impress people who are too busy worrying about their titles to notice his.
2. The “Cult of Pain” Marathon
Then there’s Sarah. Sarah hates running. Her knees scream “Please stop” every time she walks to the mailbox. But Sarah sees an influencer post a “Morning Routine” video featuring a 5 AM sunrise run and a green juice that looks like liquid grass.
Sarah spends $200 on running shoes and signs up for a marathon because she thinks “successful people run marathons.”
The Lesson: Sarah is now miserable, injured, and drinking swamp water for breakfast. Her ambition wasn’t to be healthy; her ambition was to look like someone who is healthy in a specific way. She’s literally paying money to torture herself for the approval of people who are scrolling past her photo while they’re on the toilet.
Why This Matters (The “TL;DR” of Your Soul)
Basing your goals on other people’s lives is like trying to wear someone else’s prescription glasses: It’s going to give you a massive headache, and you still won’t be able to see where you’re going.
Pro Tip: If you achieve a goal and your first thought is “I hope [Person I Dislike] sees this,” that wasn’t a goal. That was a revenge plot. And revenge plots have terrible ROI.
Don’t build a monument to yourself using someone else’s blueprints.
If you don’t actually want the thing you’re chasing, you’ll be miserable when you don’t have it—and even more miserable when you finally get it.
Would you like me to help you help yourself with your own B.S.?
I created a little “Personal BS Detector” list to help you figure out which of your current goals are actually yours.
Could be a little scary to realize your “Why” isn’t really yours.
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The B.S. Detector Test
To help you distinguish between your genuine ambitions and the ones you might have “rented” from others, here is a Personal BS Detector list. If a goal fails more than two of these tests, it might be time to send it back to where it came from.
1. The “Secret Achievement” Test
Imagine you achieve this goal perfectly, but you are strictly forbidden from ever telling another soul about it. You can’t post it, put it on a resume, or bring it up in conversation.
The BS Check: Do you still want to do it? If the joy of the goal evaporates the moment the audience is removed, you aren’t chasing a goal; you’re chasing applause.
2. The “Tuesday at 10 AM” Test
Every big goal is made up of thousands of tiny, boring moments. If your goal is “becoming a world-class chef,” the reality is standing on your feet for 12 hours peeling onions and scrubbing stations. I used to train a guy who owned a Culinary Institute, that’s facts.
The BS Check: Do you actually like the “boring” parts of the process? If you only love the idea of the trophy but hate the daily work required to get it, the goal is likely an external fantasy.
3. The “Reverse Envy” Test
Think of someone who has already achieved what you’re aiming for. Now, look at their entire life—the sacrifices they made, their schedule, their stress levels, and their trade-offs.
The BS Check: Would you trade your whole life for theirs? We often experience “buffet envy,” where we want to pick the “success” off someone’s plate without taking the “side dishes” of hard work and sacrifice that came with it. If you wouldn’t trade lives, you probably don’t actually want their goal.
4. The “Origin Story” Audit.
Trace the goal back to the very first time you thought of it.
The BS Check: Did it start with a feeling of “I wonder if I could...” (Curiosity) or “I really should...” (Obligation)? If the goal was born right after a conversation where you felt “behind” or “not enough” compared to someone else, it’s likely a defense mechanism, not a desire.
5. The “Energy Audit.”
Notice how you feel after you spend an hour working toward this goal.
The BS Check: Do you feel “meaningfully tired” (like you’ve done something that matters) or “hollowed out” (like you’ve been performing a chore)? Genuine goals are usually “autotelic”—the activity itself is rewarding. External goals feel like a debt you are constantly trying to pay off.
6. The “10-Year” Perspective
If you hit this goal, will it still matter to you in a decade, or is it just a solution to a temporary feeling of insecurity you have right now?
The BS Check: Are you trying to build a life you’ll enjoy living, or are you trying to fix a current embarrassment? Personal goals build a future; BS goals try to “fix” the past.
How’d you do?
Tell me in the comments below.
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